live and learn

            This class has been almost a failure for me this semester. I was expecting to learn a lot more about the campus from the teacher, not being graded on how I went about learning about it. I am a student athlete; I swim 20 hours a week and when I am not in class, I am with my team. There is never a break for student athletes, so I would have little opportunity to walk around campus and ask questions where I needed to. I also hate the fact that everything was online for this class. I hated that I had to go onto a page, not related to school in order to do school work. My English teacher definitely struggled with teaching his class also because we never learned anything about the library. It was almost as if the roles had switched for teaching. The English teacher was telling us how to work the library and what to do in stressful freshman situations.

            I definitely showed a lot of weaknesses this semester. I can get disorganized easily, I struggle with technology and I did not complete the campus safaris. Here are the things that we did or did not work on this semester:

1)     College-level skills, transitioning from high school- definitely worked out for me. I had to be able to think more abstractly, work under different situations and make sacrifices that would not need to be sacrificed in high school. 

2)     Critical thinking and creative thinking- critical thinking is the most important thing in college. You need to be unique in order to stick out. In high school, maybe you didn’t want to stick out, but in college you want to be different and you want to stick out. You want your professor to know your name and know your study habits. To develop a relationship with a professor would be the best thing to do, but most people do not want to be different and not talk to their professors about school.

3)     Time management, organization, study habits- I have had the best time management test then any ordinary college student. I had five classes to pass (or get A’s) and on top of that twenty hours of swimming each week, plus swim meets, plus team activities, you name it. There would be weeks that the team was at the pool for thirty weeks at a time.

4)     Personal goals, struggles, and accomplishments- I wanted to get all A’s this semester, but that obviously did not happen. I am not going to beat myself up because of it because I have three years and a semester left to improve myself and do well in school. I struggled with the technology of this class. I also struggled outside of this class with a broken foot. My swimming times have been at an all-time low. I also have been struggling with my depression this whole semester with the adjustments.

5)     Social and academic spheres of college life- I have never struggled socially. I probably get that gene from my dad. Him and I have never been quite ones. We are open to anything and anyone. Moving into a new environment with new ethnicities never troubled me as it might for others. Academically, I have been doing very well. My high school was one of the top schools in Massachusetts, so college is almost easier than my high school.

6)      Blogging, finding your voice- I personally thought blogging was not fun and not effective to do homework, etc. I never found my “voice” through writing blogs.

7)       Techniques for college success- going to class and taking notes; that is all you need to pass really. Being creative and unique is what you truly need to be someone and be REALLY successful in college.

8)     Leadership, moving out of your comfort zone- I moved out of my comfort zone the second I crossed the state border of Massachusetts and Connecticut. There is not a moment that you are not crossing that comfort zone. You are living with strangers, you are taking new classes, and you are alone. There is not any other part in your life that you are really doing this. College is a learning experience inside and outside of the classroom.

I have no regrets about anything. If you do not make a mistake, how else are you going to learn? Of course I would change my attitude of how I came to class every day with a more positive attitude.

draft issues!

my video was erased as i tried to use it on my moms computer... so i have to restart from scratch!

bear with me please!! :(

so thankful

Thanksgiving was so nice. I spent it with some of my extended family, which includes: my mom, dad, two brothers, my grandmother, great aunt, two aunts, three uncles and only one cousin.

We ate TURKEY, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, greenbean casserole, squash and yams.

We then had my grandma's chocolate roll, apple pie, chocolate chip cookies, rocky road brownies and lemon bars.

Thanksgiving is not a huge holiday for my family. Christmas is the best for my family
Its all 7 of my mom's siblings, their children, my dad and mom's parents and my great aunt. In total there's about 30 people over my house.

I hope you had a happy thanksgiving!!

leading the way

  The summer before my freshman year I dislocated my knee two weeks before my swim season (swimming was in the fall for my high school). I happened to be in New Haven when I dislocated my knee and went to Yale hospital. My family was no where near me and as being loaded into the ambulance my coach handed me the phone and I murmured out that I hurt and I loved my Dad. The ambulance ride seemed like years. It was bumpy; over every bump my vulnerable knee (which was still out of its socket) would slam against the metal handles on the stretcher. I felt the sting in my arm as the Morphine flowed into my body. As we pulled into the hospital I was rushed into a hospital bed as a doctor was waiting for me. He then straightened my leg out and pushed on my knee cap. A rush of the most painful experience of my life rushed through my body as I screamed in agony. My knee was back to being into it's socket.
  I showed up to practice two weeks later with a full leg brace. My coach knew in advance, but many of the girls were caught of guard and looked at me from a distance, unsure of how to approach me. I sat through every practice doing as many exercises my body would allow.
  Two weeks later was our "meet the team" party at one of the captain's houses. As I showed up, I saw all the girls stare at me. Through the crowd came a robust woman with blonde hair about 4 inches shorter than I. It was the captain's mom. She told me that this part was for the swim team only, and that I was being asked to immediately. Not one person stood up and said, "no she's on the team, she's just hurt". I looked up with tears in my eyes and the whole room of 30 swimmers and their parents starring at me. I limped out and did not turn back.
   Three weeks later, I was cleared to go in the water and swim. At first I did not swim with the high school team, but the club team instead. As I got to my first practice with the high school team not one girl talked to me. They turned their noses up at me and went about on their own business. When my first meet came around, that was worse. Not one person cheered for me, regardless I made states my first swim. Imagine how controversial that was. After the meet, the captains pulled me aside telling me that I was not allowed to compete in states, and if I wanted to ever swim again I would give my spot up for the other senior. Essentially I was forced to give up my spot and let the other senior swim for me. I will NEVER forget that moment ever again. I was ready to quit and start playing soccer again.
  I returned my sophomore year and was so happy I stayed with it. My senior year came around and I was nominated for captain. I lead the team to a state championship and lived by the motto to treat others the way you wanted to be treated. I would tell the story of what happened to me my freshman year and I made sure that NO ONE was treated the way I was. People still talk about what happened and remind people that someone should NEVER be treated this way.

when you try your best but you dont succeed...

   I have been struggling so much with swimming recently. I fractured my excessive navicular bone three weeks ago. It hurts a lot, nothing relieves the pain. I struggle with clinical depression, so usually swimming helps ease the pain, not increase it. Swimming has always been a stress reliever and i can be excited to go to swimming because that's one of the only things I'm good at. Recently, I've been dreading to go to practice. I went from being number one on my high school to close to the bottom on the college team.
  I try SO hard everyday. It may not look like it right now because of my broken bone, but I try my absolute hardest. My times haven't been where I want them to be while everyone else is improving. I'm stuck in reverse. Swimming is usually the only thing that I can do right, but right now it's nothing. There's been so many times I've wanted to get out of the water and quit, but that will only show how weak i REALLY am. I've been listening to "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sarah Evans which has been helping. Songs that really express how I'm feeling, "The Scientist" and "Fix You" by Coldplay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3SIUoGijoM
-Fix You

talk it out

   I hate beginning class with a quiz about the readings we do. I read them, but I always forget them. When we discuss them and be graded on participation I could have an A in this class. If I talk about something that I've learned, it will stick in my brain longer than if I read it then quizzed. My brain will push out whatever is left of the little information I remember of the reading and forget it completely. It then KILLS me when later in the week we talk about readings we did from 2 weeks ago, but never discussed.
  I love class discussions. Hearing a million different points of views from the same reading is so much fun and I love hearing what other people think. I may not agree with what they say, but I like to hear other points of views.
  I also like starting class off with Lee. It's not a lot of pressure, we can relax and she eases us into getting prepared for class. I really admire her and I hope that she gets her dream job after Southern.

:)

studying

   I do my best studying at athletic study hall. Seems pretty dull, boring, very high school-ish to have a study hall, but it makes me do my homework. I'm also surrounded with people that are also mandated to be studying or doing homework. Also, facebook or anything not school related is prohibited from study which is also motivating to do work. When I'm in my dorm, the TV is sometimes on, my roommates could be on the phone, music is playing. The environment does not do too well with my study habits. It's easy to sneak away to facebook.

  I dont have a picture of study hall because nothing is really allowed in study hall. It's a lecture hall in Morill. If you walk into the building through the automatic doors, you walk straight to a pair of doors (before the vending machines). It fits about 80 people on a good day.

  All in all, being surrounded by a million other people who are also tired from multiple practices, classes and then having mandatory study hall.

FINALLYY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfWYbmotc4A

homecoming.

  So far, this weekend has been pretty amazing. I saw my family for the first time since move in day!! They came up for the weekend. I saw them Friday night, which was super fun :) we went out to chilli's and had dinner together. They dropped me off and then came to see my first college swim meet! It was so nice of them to come down I can't even put words together to tell them how much it meant for them to come.
  I swam terribly, which is so discouraging because i swim once Monday, twice Tuesday then weight lifting, twice Wednesday, twice Thursday then weight lifting, once Friday and once Saturday. Don't you think that all this hard work should pay off? UGH
  After my meet we went to the football game. My parents are Bentley Alumni, so they cheered for Bentley the whole time! They say that the only team they truly have to cheer for at Southern is the swim team. They're goofs.
  I love my family more than anything. It made me so upset that they had to leave. They're always there for me no matter what. I can't express to them how much they mean to me. I hope that someday I can repay them for all the amazing things they have done for me. Through all the dark and light times. I already miss them.
  Now I'm exhausted and I'm gonna go to sleep before the swim team has another get together :)

LEEEEEEE!

  I believe that Lee COULD be a great help in our class. However, our class takes advantage of her kind personality and abuses the fact that we don't have a "real" teacher present. To be honest, I have had my struggles in life and to open up to a whole class of strangers about a previous drug issues is so respectable. That same day when she opened up to our class, the class was not only disrespectful, but was SO arrogant that she had opened about such a touchy subject.

  It makes me sick to my stomach to have someone disrespected that way. Now every time that she is in the class, they see it as an oprotunity to talk over her since she does not have the same authority that Jen does. This not only discourages her from wanting to be a teacher (I'm guessing) and also could make her feel more self conscious about her past issues with drugs.

  In what world is any of this okay? I feel awful for Lee and I would never want to go through what our class is putting her through. She is an amazing person! She always adds just the right comment to every discussion to either help us out or to keep us thinking. Freshman year in college is confusing and a big transition. To have someone who has already been in our shoes be in class with us is very reassuring and comforting. Sometimes we are afraid to go to a professor in order to get help, this is a stepping stool to asking a professor... She not only older than us, but she is also in some sense a "lower" authority.

  :)

caring how it hurts.

I want to be a nurse. Since I was a little kid I have always wanted to be a nurse. My grandma would buy me doctors kits and pretend she was sick to humor me.

I have always been involved with community service. Helping people has always been such a pleasure in my life. I struggle a lot with helping myself a lot of the time. My recent mission trip took me to Jamaica.

Yup, this is it. People forget that a country with such beauty, is struggling so much. Behind this beauty is the harsh reality of poverty and hurting. Although these images are very shocking, this is what I saw everyday for a week and it changed my life. It made me continue my journey to be a nurse.

To see people in this condition broke my heart. The girl that I am holding in the picture above changed my life. Her family abandoned her and left her to die. When I first walked around where all the abandoned children were, her and I immediately locked eyes. When I smiled, she smiled. Although none of the children could talk, we read each other. I would feel when she was sick.

So you might ask what this has to do with anything. I felt right doing this. I felt right being there for someone else and helping them. This finalized my decision of being a nurse. I saw brutal illnesses and physically disabled people. It did not phase me that they were so handicapped. I wanted to help them immediately.

So this is my story about my major. Leading up to making the choice has changed my life, imagine what the actual thing will do to me.  

oops part one

Once again,

I forgot to post my blogs.

I always seem to write it in a word document, then immediately tune out and not post them on the internet.


Anyways, to begin with, a good blog post needs to be on time. If it isn't on time, it cant even be counted! Also, a blog post needs to be thoughtful and not just going through the motions.  A lot of pictures usually helps too. When someone writes in HUGE paragraphs and it's not an essay, it's boring.

I personally don't even like writing blogs, but your attitude will show through if you don't put a little effort. People don't like reading a blog that's totally BS and they know that you dont like writing it! So put on a mask for goodness sake and do your homework with meaning. How else are you gonna go through life? There are gonna be a lot of things that you dont like. Are you gonna BS it all?

Put a smile on your face. Have a great day.

professional blogs

    I straight up googled "Professional Athlete Blogs" and came up with this website. I am a VERY strong Boston sports fan, so this site is a blessing. Under each sport, you can select a team. It's not just easy to use but it is very detailed under each sports team. From there, you can rate each blog post and the average number is posted on the left hand side of the title blog. It also not only relates solely to scores of last nights game, but what's going on in their lives as athletes outside of the game. 

    The second blog is a cooking blog. It is full of pictures. Which seems to be easier to follow then the first blog which is all reading.  I also love to cook and I love to eat. So this blog was definetly fun!

eat sleep swim, repeat.

    My schedule consists of waking up at 6AM practice, going to eat at Conn Hall, going to class at either 9:15 or 9:35 until 1:40, then swimming until 3:45 and on Tuesday and Thursdays we go straight to weight training until 5:00. From there, I have study hall at 7:30 so I have to set aside time to shower and eat dinner to be early to study hall in order to get a seat.
    Although this schedule may seem stressful to some people, this structured set up will help me succeed at SCSU. The tight schedule leaves little room to procrastinate. People may LOVE the freedom of doing whatever, whenever without a care in the world, but if i do not do my homework, or obligation right away, I will procrastinate. Why? I have terrible attention disorders. I also have short term memory loss which adds to it. 
    I was diagnosed with my mental disorders when I was in 6th grade. Imagine being told in 4th grade that you were different than everyone else because you weren't as smart. They always kept a close eye on me the all through high school because of my disorders. I may have hated it then, but now that I look at the situation that I went through. However, I adapted to my problem and got so used to being watched every second, that now that I'm on my own I feel as if I need someone to be on my tail with every move. At first I loved the freedom, now I fear it. I fear of failing, I fear not being good enough. I have never been on my own to prove myself, so this is my time to shine. This is my time to appreciate all the help and hand holding that I have been through all my life and grow up. I am definitely afraid of it, but I am looking forward to the day I can truly live on my own.

Outcasts United

               I personally, hate books that I am going to be forced to read. So, before I could even touch Outcasts United, I already hated it. I am a stubborn person and I wish I could change that. However, the character who I enjoyed reading about the most was Luma. I feel as if everyone has a Luma in their life. Someone who is always there to push you so you can reach your fullest potential. You’re going to hate them during the process of getting there, but you cherish their work ethic as soon as you are done.

               What I also liked about Luma was that she started off with so much money, but then lost it all to do something she loved. She then had to work her way up to get by. This was also very relatable. Everyone has to sacrifice something in order to get what you need. It may not what you want for the meantime, but in the long run it will help you.

               I played soccer for most of my life, until I dislocated my knee. I played for the same team for about 6 years, with the same coaches and the majority of the same girls. No matter what our backgrounds were at school, we would come together to play soccer and do what we loved. I had a true love for the sport and was devastated when I dislocated my knee. That ended my career for the rest of my life.

you can pick your friends but not your family

               This week has been challenging. My dad got out of surgery on Wednesday and I wish I was there for him, but instead I am stuck on campus and am useless. My family and I are very close, so college has been a real test for us. I feel very close to my dad because everything bad that has happened to him, I have been there. When I was 10 he blew out his knee terribly while we were skiing together. He has had 10 surgeries, his 10^th was on Wednesday. He needed to get his hip replaced 2 years ago because of how much pain he was in from his knee. (He would limp, which tore away at the bone and ligaments) One time he fell off of our roof (a two story fall) and I was the only person home and had to take him to the hospital by myself. 

               Through this pain that my father has gone through, we feel closer to each other. This week has been tough on me, knowing that my dad is going through more surgery and pain and that I am not there. My dad is a tough man, but it is hard to not be there for him. I miss my family a lot. It has been tough going through personal issues, without having a constant person to go to. Which is helping me grow as a person.

technology...

My favorite article that I had to read this week was “Digital Devices Deprive Brain of Needed Downtime” by Matt Ritchel. The article is mainly about the pros and cons about technology. The positives about technology are that we get our jobs done quicker and we can always be entertained. However, the main downfall that the article mentioned was that our brains do not have “down time.” It also mentions that all the technology “prevent this learning process.” To start off, if the technology is defined as such a negative thing we have in our society, why do we keep making more? Why do schools make their systems ONLY technology? Yeah sure, it can help save the environment, but what do we cherish more, our brains or our trees? I don’t have the answer to that question, but what if we didn’t just fry our brains and save our trees? Let’s find the balance between the two.

If we find the balance between making our worlds less technology based and other ways to make paper, then we will have the time to create down time. In the meantime, our down time is with the technology, whether we like it or not. When I’m falling asleep, I’m texting someone, when I take a break from homework, I go on the computer or watch TV. It is an ongoing process. Technology is more entertaining than doing something that is just you and your mind. When I get very upset, I need the down time more than the technology, but every other situation is with a computer, TV, cellphone or iPod…

if theres a path without obstacles, it probably doesnt exist.

Technology has been my number one challenge here at SCSU. It is a big adjustment coming from a high school that only has textbooks and restricts the use of computers. In front of me is a blank computer screen with endless opportunities to procrastinate and daze off into the screen.

Hate may be a strong word, but I hate to do work on a computer. It’s bad for your body to sit in front of the computer for hours. The computer is where I relax and have my own time to take my mind off of my homework when I need a break. I’m not used to having to post all of my assignments online rather than handwrite it. I would rather handwrite any assignment and hand it in.

Also, in high school I had an IEP (Individual Education Program) which diagnosed me with short term memory loss along with other problems with my mental state at times. I usually have problems staying on task. Although everyone has issues without having a main authority on you at all times to do your homework, I realized how much I took advantage of that to get my work done. My parents would constantly yell at me to get my work done and I am so used to them being on me to do my work that it’s a reality shock when I miss homework assignments. I am still adjusting to college life and the balancing act of social and school work, but eventually I will get it down.

Setting the Tone

What is college?

College is a social experiment for those who want to carry their education to higher levels. You are put into a room with a complete stranger (or more) and are expected to live with them for the rest of the year. Things could go terribly bad or unexpectedly well. College is also stepping way outside of you comfort zone of social acceptance. If you aren’t accepting of who other people are, you aren’t going to make friends. You have to leave your family and best friends at home and live a new life. There aren’t many other chances where you can start on a clean slate. 

Going to college can accomplish the social experiment as well as the academic side. Although it may be great to not have your parents on you about doing your homework, it leads to vulnerability to failure. Responsible decisions need to be made in order to succeed academically and socially.  College can either be a multi thousand dollar drinking spree or it could give you a chance in the real world.

To be a college student takes a lot of responsibility as well as maturity. You can either accept the fact that people are going to be different or you can judge everyone in front of you. You need to have the authority of doing your work and studying for your classes as well. This is the first time you are so independent, you might as well make the best of it. 

Getting to know you

1) Service.

I grew up in a very religious family, so I found myself at church every weekend. Instead of complaining to my parents about how much I hated being there, I found the Youth Ministry which was much less religious and more social. Through the Youth Ministry I found myself doing a lot of community service for people who were in need. Over this past summer, I went to Kingston, Jamaica to help severely mentally and physically handicapped children who were abandoned by their family. Through this experience, I found the true meaning of love and happiness. I also realized that I took so many things for granted, for example my parent’s love for me and a clean shelter. 

2)  Athletics

I have been swimming since 4^th grade and am currently swimming for SCSU. Swimming has been a major part of my life. It has made me work harder, both mentally and physically. Through the challenges of swimming, I have bonded with other swimmers, who have become my best friends and will cherish their friendship forever. 

3)  Food

  

Food is my best friend. I love food more than I love to swim. My friends usually give me their leftovers of what they can’t finish. Luckily, I can work off all the food that I take in….

4) Laughing

I absolutely LOVE to laugh. I love to see other people laugh and I love to make other people laugh. Laughing is the best medicine. Without happiness and laughing, the world would be a boring place. Life shouldn’t be taken too seriously, take a break and laugh it off. :)

Animals